Intimate partner violence or domestic violence includes physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, as well as sexual coercion and stalking by a current or former intimate partner. 

In Sri Lanka, one in five ever-partnered women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.¹ 

Although rampant, domestic violence is underreported, less spoken of and seen to be a private affair between a husband and wife, both by society and law enforcement. 

While the physical, emotional, and other abuse endured are certain to take a toll on the well-being of the primary victim, the horror of abuse also negatively affects many children who are exposed to such violence. 

Such children are at risk of long-term physical and mental health problems and early exposure to abuse can set the stage for children to walk that same line in adulthood. 

Children are likely to remain on edge if they are always surrounded by abuse at home and will be in a state of perpetual anxiety. Such a state of anxiety can revert them back to the habits of when they were younger such as bedwetting, thumb sucking, increased crying, and whining. The anxious child may also grow up to be a depressed adult. 

Despite being spared from physical abuse, the trauma of witnessing domestic violence causes changes in sleep patterns and nightmares, anger and difficulty in concentrating. One of the most devastating effects of domestic violence is post-traumatic stress disorder. 

They could also develop anti-social traits and carry the guilt caused by blaming themselves for the abuse that the parent was dealing with, which could also lead to low self-esteem.

Mental health constraints stated above could lead to physical health issues such as headaches and stomach pains, diabetes, obesity and heart disease. 

Children could also act out by missing school, fighting with family members, engaging in risky behaviors, such as using alcohol or drugs and having unprotected sex, bullying peers, and engaging in other aggressive behaviour which could get them in trouble with the law. They could also tend to partake in self-harm and have suicidal thoughts.  

Through identifying features such as withdrawn or detached behaviour, ambivalent feelings towards both the abusive and non-abusive parent, fear of leaving home, withdrawal or struggles with separation, difficulty identifying feelings or communicating needs and difficulty developing positive peer relationships in your child, you can observe the impact that the abuse in your household has had on your children. 

In many instances, children who live in abusive households could fall victim to the abuse, as an abusive partner can become an abusive parent. 

Children do best in safe, stable and loving environments. Although you shield your child from witnessing the abuse, they can still hear it or sense your fear. Hence, by leaving an abusive relationship you will protect your child’s physical and mental wellbeing and make them less likely to tolerate abuse. 

If you are not ready to leave an abusive relationship, have a safety plan, tell your child constantly that abuse is not ok and that it is not their fault and talk to them about healthy relationships and boundaries, i.e that no one has the right to harm them and vice versa. Finally, reach out to support services and seek professional help, have a good support system through friends and family for both you and your child. 

Domestic violence has the potential to leave lasting marks on direct and indirect victims. While they may never forget the abuse, the sooner they receive help, the better the chances of recovery. Hence, please reach out to the Alokaya Counselling service at The Family Planning Association to seek this much needed support.